Mirika Mayo Cornelius: Colored Lily, Poppa Took My Innocence Excerpts

Colored Lily Excerpt

As I stare into his chest, I beg him to stop. I beg him so much that the tears come streamin’ down my face. “Poppa, don’t do this to me anymore. I know how to be a woman already, poppa, please. You told me last time that I did like I should…”

“See now, I gotta make sho’ about what I said.” His hand covers my mouth, and for the first time today, I need to look back at him in his face because he’s my poppa so he must love me. Doesn’t he have to love me? Maybe if I look at him and don’t move my eyes, look him right into his eyes, maybe he’ll see me…as his daughter and stop what he does to me. As I stare into his eyes, I bring the skirt he gave me closer to my chest and grip it tight as to pull it apart. Then I cry harder. I never cried while looking directly at him since he’s been doing this to me, but this time, I’m gonna keep my eyes looking into his so that his soul can see into mine. A true poppa would feel my hurt on the inside of me and stop wanting to put this pain on me, but that’s only if he loves me.

Poppa tries to muffle my cry by putting his hand over my face. My tears line his hand while they’re covering my mouth. While my eyes are still focusing into his eyes as best they can from the tears hoping he’ll let me go, he moves his eyes down to where my tears are startin’ to leak through his fingers. I’m breathing so hard hoping my tears will show him and talk to him this time about my hurt, but they don’t. Instead, poppa looks back at me, lifts his hand off my mouth and moves it toward his mouth, and then, he licks the tears that came falling from my eyes off his hand with his tongue. Then he smiles.

Now I know. Poppa doesn’t love me. I can’t live here no more.