I write. When I write, I write so much some times it feels like it’s never ending, but I understand that it’s supposed to feel like that to me because I’m a writer and author. There isn’t a time when something isn’t inspiring me. A freaking dull, ordinary white wall inspires me, but that’s how I see life. Therefore, I write and make connections between that which is alive and that which may be dead, inanimate versus animate, pain versus joy and bring it altogether in a story or poem. I empathize with everything, and then I write about it.
Where do all of these pages go once I’m done with writing, typing and publishing? (click the video once and find out)
I have to get rid of it. I literally had a whole shelf full of pages of books, edited and some not, all the way back to my debut novel, Secret! Once it became too much for my eyes to bear – the shelves mounting with raw manuscripts – I ripped or shredded them all down to nothing. Easy solution to a cluttered problem, right? Finally, my shelf looks brilliantly clean, or maybe in better, more accurate terms – empty. It appeared super empty.
One thing I found out quickly was that a spotless, or empty, shelf didn’t equal beauty, richness, elegant or anything. Spotless is just that -void. Nothing is there.
It reminds me of how, before God formed everything, there was void. There was nothing good there at all because there was nothing. Was this what I wanted? I know it’s just a shelf, but is it serving its purpose being void of anything? Again, was this really what I wanted?
Having a voided shelf reminds me of a time when I’d lost all emotion. I was truly void of all emotion. It’s true. I went through the motions of living, but I was empty inside. My body held “nothing”. I knew how to function as a human body, or “shelf”, should, but I wasn’t holding anything inside. This continued for 2 years. I knew what had happened to cause this void. Sorrow entered into my life, and I didn’t like it. Therefore, I shut down. I was trapped, mentally and emotionally, like an empty shelf because I’d shredded every single thing, just destroyed it from my mind, if it made me want to feel again. I didn’t realize that I could build into nothingness like my Father GOD did.
Then GOD spoke. I listened. What He taught me is simple and based on the beginning of time, all the way back to Genesis where He CREATED into the void. His revelation to me is simple:
If you want goodness back in you life, you must CREATE it. You must put it there to erase the void. It won’t just appear again. You must place even better things there than what was shredded and what you had to get rid of.
In the Bible, the Lord promises that He will RESTORE our soul, and restore means to repair or renovate, bring back. Armed with the knowledge that GOD takes action to RESTORE us, then why wouldn’t I take action to place GOOD things in my life as well? Did I think they would fall in my lap?
Back to my empty shelf, I didn’t want my shelf empty. What I wanted was to continue to create even more fantastic stories so that I can be satisfied with producing and reproducing. And yep, the pages would go right back on my shelf because that’s what it’s there for – for whatever I put there. This is the same thing I want in my life – something new and great.
Sure, I may lose things, people and even have to forcefully shred up or shed the past which is necessary many times, but I can’t allow those painful things that I chose to shred or lose make me stop and be satisfied with a void life or mentality and believe that it means BETTER. Void is never BETTER. It produces nothing. Nothing good is in it.
I learned that even when I just have to GET RID OF STUFF, it is to only make room to FILL MYSELF with newness again because being void isn’t an option. It isn’t beautiful. I basically learned how to GET RID OF THINGS no longer needed in my life while also ADDING more great things to my life AT THE SAME TIME! Just basic ADDITION and SUBTRACTION.
Time to create a new story.