I know it’s December and I’ve been a tad bit slack on the movie reviews, but there is a pretty great reason why – I just put out another book a couple weeks ago, November 15th to be exact, and now I’m working on two more while I take the time to write this review on a movie that I’d looked forward to watching – Halloween – the 2018 edition.
Let me get started by stating that I had always been terrified of bad ole Michael Myers since a child because who wasn’t? They guy walked around slashing people up with a fairly simple and disturbing mask on his face which until now, hid what he looked like.
Myers is old in this latest flick, but not to pick apart the movie, because I am of the first freaked out fans of Myers, I simply just didn’t understand why he seemed to walk faster than the young Michael Myers that I’m used to. Whatever aerobics the mental house had him doing while he was chained to the ground really worked for him because as I recall, young Mike can’t hold a candle to old Mike when it comes to speed. I’m telling you that he moved, let’s say, 1.5 seconds faster than young Mike when it should have been much slower considering.
But I digress to the one thing that took the movie downhill from what was mostly an upside, so stop here if spoilers aren’t what you need tonight. Sooo, after introducing my girl Jamie Lee Curtis aka Laurie – – yes, she is really my girl because we go way back to like when I was six years old in my movie life — she shows just how sick yet sane she truly is when she has not only prepped her daughter for the sick Myers coming back to get her but she has also rigged her secluded home away from slaughter home to kill Myers, not if but when, he shows up.
No one believes her. No one thinks he is up for casting in the Halloween and he got the part – AGAIN. Everyone thinks that the lone bus ride transferring him from here to there isn’t going to wreck and that Myers isn’t going to go free. But we all know how this goes if you are 40 years old and older. Myers gets free to go on a killing spree.
That is exactly what happens, and that is when Jamie aka Laura finds out and goes to not only get her daughter and grandchild, but loads up her ammo to kill some Myers. Well, there must be a jam in the plan. The
goofy granddaughter runs into Michael Myers after seeing her near rapist friend get mutilated on a fence by the serial killer, screams for her life and then takes off running…but not far. She runs to the nearest house.
No, my dear. You don’t run to the nearest house. Secondly, when someone comes to your home screaming that a flipping murderer is outside, you don’t go sit on the flipping porch until the cops come. That was an odd part for me (yes, the whole family was on the porch when the cops pulled up and Myers is around the corner) but I let it slide because uh… WE… US… we are staying inside the house, boarding that crap up, getting shooters and giving her scary butt one because she is going to be the one aiming at the front door because it’s her she is after. WE are back up. She can do the honors. Pay back is a mug, ain’t it, for killing that dude on the fence?
Here is where it got really odd for me and the movie took a nose dive. Michael Myers can be the only bad guy in the movie for Halloween to work. Instead, they make the DOCTOR a bad guy who hopes to tag team with Myers, so the DOC kills someone, a cop, and shoves Myers in the back seat with the
goofy granddaughter after the cop almost killed Myers by running him over with the car. Yes, if you missed it…basically, the DOC got angry with the cop because the cop was trying to do his freaking job and kill the serial killer, so he killed him, and this is how a knocked out Myers got thrown into the back of the squad car…by an old, elderly doctor who happens to be a bodybuilder obviously.
The believeability factor plummeted, and it gets worse. Myers wakes up in the backseat with a live human sitting next to him screaming her head off, but instead of killing her, he kicks in the driver’s seat and literally K.I.L.L.S. the DOC, leaving the girl to escape and run into the woods.
Y’all. That’s not the Michael Myers I know. But…he may be a little touched at his age, so… The young Myers would have killed both of them…at the same time! So yeah, that crap right there bugged me. I was totally not afraid of Michael at that point and I totally was glad the doc was dead because, oddly enough, he shouldn’t try and steal the shine from Myers. I’m just saying.
So back to the
goofy granddaughter, and I know I’ve been calling her goofy for a minute now, but it’s not her fault. It’s her mother’s fault, you know, Jamie’s daughter. So here it is – Jamie aka Laura taught her daughter to fight, spit and take names as she pulls triggers. Jamie’s daughter, Karen, played by Judy Greer who by the way played a dizzy woman seamlessly, didn’t teach her daughter how to kill a dang roach. What are the flipping odds? All this child can do is run and scream and beg for help. Cool though. Like I said, it’s not her fault.
So remember she got away? She runs to grandma’s house where there is safety and her own mother hiding in the basement where there are loads of guns. Her punk mom hasn’t put on war makeup or touched a gun like she means it yet. Oh and here is the absolute worst part of all! She leaves my girl Jamie up there, her own mother, on the first floor to kill Myers all on her own. What the flip kinda daughter is she?? She was down in the basement talking about “Mama!” I’m looking at the screen like…chyy please. If you don’t get your grown butt up those steps and help your mom, I will shoot you my dang self. She didn’t hear me though, so she stayed in the basement while Jamie handled business.
Anyway, back to how the granddaughter finds her way inside the basement with her weak mom and finally, when Myers comes stomping inside the house, she finds the courage to get the gun. Don’t ask me what happened after that because I was utterly disgusted so I checked my cell phone until I heard Myers tumbling down into the basement. I assumed super grandma Jamie came to save the day…and I was right. Skip to Myers getting trapped in the basement and set on fire…or so they want us to think.
Myers doesn’t die, y’all. You know he just stands there and gazes like he can’t feel the heat popping off of his skin from the fire that surrounds him. I personally would have shot that mug in his eyeball while he stood there looking at me, but that’s just me. That way, if he wakes back up, he can’t see. Just stumble around like a walker on The Walking Dead. Find me now.
Anyway, I didn’t give away all, just the points that were major let ups and downs. All in all, Jamie aka Laura was the rockstar. There will be a continuation I predict. All in all, I give the movie a 3.5 ot of 5. I hate giving it that, too, because I really wanted the Mike I know back on screen. They made him soft. Jamie had more stud.
Oh well. Check out my latest book below… An Evil Was Born.