I Just Watched The Most Boring Movie Ever…

by admin on July 9, 2017

October Gale.  Where do I begin?  Independent movies are my thing, and with such a great, mysterious plot, when I sat down to watch it on Netflix, I thought I was in for a treat.  There was no treat.  Trust me, I have not one detail to spare you.

 

So there is this widow who was oh so in love with her husband, and she goes out to this cabin in the middle of nowhere when a stranger shows up about to hit the death bed from a bullet wound.  She cleans him up and without gloves on at all, although she has a big bag of First Aid sitting right there, she proceeds to funky up her fingers with his blood and remove the bullet.  Through all this, she remains boringly calm.

Anyway, someone comes to the cabin, and the strange dude, now feeling much better, tells her specifically NOT TO LET THE GUY IN OR BOTH OF THEM WILL BE KILLED.  She pays him no mind and opens it.  Then, after some weird conversation, the guy dashes out of the house and removes her boat from the shore.  She’s like OH MY GOSH and goes to jump her odd self in the cold water to save the boat…the boat, yall…not a life…the boat. While doing that, she nearly kills herself until the hurt guy comes to the rescue and keeps her from drowning.

I thought it was going to get good after this but no…it got much worse.  They spoke…I should say conversed for I have no idea how long on backstory because I fast forwarded it to the next climactic looking scene.  Guns.  I thought for sure they were about to get ambushed and play shoot the flipping intruders.  But no…  They go on a slow jog through the woods while packing to get away from the incoming danger of 2…I rewrite…2 men.

My question is…why run?  She has a shot freaking gun and he has something, too.  2 against 2…and they see the enemies coming.  She even said she good at using the gun.  Again.  Shoot them as they come toward the cabin.  Done deal.  But they don’t.  Here is what they do instead.

Both of them end up running and end up back at the cabin. What the flip was the purpose in running?  But wait, back up.  Let me tell you how the widow lady got back to the cabin.  She got punched in the nose… and she was the one with he rifle shotgun thingy WATCHING HIM APPROACH!  He didn’t see her!  How did she get popped in the nose, you ask?  Get this… SHE LEAPED OUT OF THE BUSHES LIKE A SAMARAI, HELD THE GUN BACKWARDS AND JABBED HIM IN HIS SHOULDER.  He said ouch and there ya go…she got knocked the flip out.  Even he thought it was hilarious.  Had to.

The lick to the nose obviously gave her some common sense because the next time she had the opportunity to use it, was about five to ten minutes near the end of the movie when she reloaded the gun at the cabin and shot the guy in the back.

I won’t totally spoil the ending because there is a moment…THE BIGGEST REVEAL OF ALL…and even that was boring…at the end when someone says “Dad.”

I was too through then.  I give this movie a one star out of five because there was so much they could have done with the movie and yet, they didn’t.  It’s a great movie to put anyone to sleep.  Horrible.  May I get my hour and some change back?  This should have been titled October Snail.


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